He does not think about sex until his girlfriend puts on high -heeled shoes. She represents herself in the arms of a stranger. What these erotic games of reason are talking about?
Let’s say right away: sexual fantasies are a completely ordinary thing. All of us men and women, often or from time to time, freely or involuntarily play different scenes of our own composition in our imagination. Among them are many erotic ones that often help our intimate life.
Everyone fantasizes to their taste, but all scenarios can be divided into two large groups: “creative”, that is, creatively enriching the intimate life, and those with which we “go around” the internal obstacles that restrain our sexuality.
Sexual fantasies in already established relationships make us brave and liberated. Imaginary scenes become powerful aphrodisiacs, stimulate desire and help to strengthen pleasure. And if partners manage to voice and divide “secret” experiences, this brings the couple closer even more.
Overcoming timidity
In childhood, 35-year-old Julia, a music teacher, loved to play scenes of abduction from Angelica, Marquis of Angels. Today in bed, she imagines the same picture: “I am a little girl, gross soldiers grabbed me …” She was bored and even unpleasant to make love without such fantasies: it seems to her that she is used. For Julia, such paintings are a kind of lifesaver that helps her … overcome an implicit aversion to sex. She does not understand where these images come from, and does not connect them with her prosperous childhood.
“Similar sexual“ doping ”is a consequence of too strict education,” the French sexopathologist Muriel Dagmar is sure. – Having become adults, such people simply do not allow themselves to enjoy, it is easier for them to accept it, imagining
that they are imposed on them by force. So they get rid of guilt “.
Women who play in their imagination topic of violence, as a rule, are very afraid of real violence. And terrible pictures help them “speak”, neutralize their fears.
The orgies scenes, when the participants do not see the faces or the protagonist’s eyes are blindfolded, is only an echo of the works of early infancy
Among our fears, against which we launch fantasy, there are many very ancient, archaic. 45-year-old photographer Eugene, having sex with his beloved woman, always imagines that he is sitting on a chair with her eyes blindfolded, and his girlfriend and her many friends stand in front of him and take turns taking away him. In fact, this is a classic “liberating” look of our fantasies.
As the French psychoanalyst Catherine Anthony notes, “the orgies scenes, when the participants do not see the faces or the protagonist’s eyes are blindfolded, is only an echo of the works of early infancy: this is the helplessness of the newborn in the face of maternal omnipotence. To enter this many -sided and at the same time impersonal female image in an erotic script, to extract pleasure from it is a way to deprive him of threatening power “.
Sexual fantasies often serve us as a “safety valve” that protects against excessive moral or social pressure. To imagine that you have sex in the middle of the meeting, in the foster authorities or at the workplace, is a kind of way to “show the figure” to public conventions that put pressure on us.
Bypassing prohibitions
The successful journalist Boris is most excited, imagining what he gives to the partner to another man before making love. And here, Katrin Antoni believes, we are talking about unconscious homosexuality, as well as the fear of treason of a close woman. “Giving” to another, Boris becomes the master of the situation, ahead of potential infidelity, and at a deeper level and getting rid of fear that inspires him with an unconscious attraction to men.
From the same series of fantasy of 25-year-old Igor: he perceives as a welcome object only women in high-heeled shoes. In the language of psychoanalysts, a high heel is a symbol of the male organ missing woman. If the partner did not have heels, Igor would risk in practice to search for what they mean.
Subconscious fear of violating a taboo pushes many men to girls, absolutely unlike “forbidden” women
Another subconscious barrier is very common – incest taboo. Roman Roman was always attached to his sisters – Sonya and Maria. Both of them are brown -eyed brunettes. The novel from youth fell in love only with blue -eyed blondes. And he married a Latvian with a typical Baltic appearance. The subconscious fear of violating the taboo (attraction to sisters, and even more serious – to the mother) pushes many men to girls, absolutely unlike “forbidden” women.
Following self -confidence
A lot of erotic scripts are filled with gaps in our self -esteem. When a 30-year-old nurse Polina caresses herself, she “plays” in a stripper: she, in her life is quite clamped, has two scenarios. In the first, her neighbor spies on how she slowly undresses, in the second she dances on the catwalk in front of a crowd of men.
The twice diluted programmer Alice likes to imagine herself pregnant: for her “this is the highest form of femininity”. And the 28-year-old locksmith Alexander, decomposing tools under some current crane, imagines that his clients simply burn out from passion for him. French psychoanalyst Sophie Kadlen believes that all three fantasies help to make up for the missing self -confidence.
Everyone has their own scenario
Men for whom erotica are mainly embodied in visual images, begin to fantasize very easily, literally from half -turn. Street picture, fleeting touch in the subway – and the imagination has already earned. As a rule, the directors are small: uncomplicated and rather predictable plots, they often borrow from pornographic films.
Women behave differently. Their fantasies are born directly in love hugs and accompany an orgasm, and even become its necessary condition. Their scenarios are always individual, full of details and may not be as clearly erotic as in men. In many ways, their desire is fueled by the spirit of a romantic situation, a passionate whisper that excites their imagination no less than sensuality. With age, female erotic scenarios are changing.
Finally, women more often than men hide their fantasies – not out of shame, but out of fear of seeming bad, not inspiring confidence. After all, if men traditionally dream of seeing in a woman the connection of the features of the Madonna and the harlot at the same time, then they definitely leave the right to have erotic fantasies only for the last.
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